Fervent- Your Past

I had planned on posting about the each section of Fervent as I read it, but life happened. I do want to post about the chapter on your past (chap. 5) because of how impactful it was on my life. I recently started meeting with someone I asked to be my mentor. I had shared with her some of my past sins and current ones that I was struggling with. "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." (James 5:16)

She asked me if I had forgiven myself. I hadn't. I know that God forgives. I had asked Him to forgive me; I knew in my head that He did but my heart was having a hard time accepting it. That night I was really beating myself up about it. The next morning I looked up scriptures on forgiveness.
"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." I John 1:9


I also read the next chapter (chap. 5) in Fervent. It was about your past. How timely! The introduction really opened my eyes and hit me. Yes, Satan does this to me!
"If I were your enemy, I'd constantly remind you of your past mistakes and poor choices, I'd want to keep you burdened by shame and guilt, in hopes that you'll feel incapacitated by your many failings and see no point in even trying again. I'd work to convince you that you've had your chance and blown it- that your God may be able to forgive some people for some things, but not you..not for this." (pg. 93) 

Instead of feeling and celebrating God's grace and forgiveness I felt shame and undeserving. This chapter reminded me then and now, almost a month later, that instead of feeling guilt and shame and guilt I should be celebrating all the grace that God has given me! And that it should bring me closer to God not make me feel like I should be running in shame from Him like Adam and Eve did. 

I still struggle with sin (who doesn't?). I need to be remembering that God's grace is freely given and when I mess up I need to turn to God instead of the wanting to hid from Him. Satan loves to rewind scenes from my past (even as recent has yesterday) in my head taunting me with them, even though I have confessed them to God.  It is a hard thine accepting forgiveness. I forgive others easily. I just need to learn how to forgive myself!

Week 8- Cruise!

I actually only planned 51 stay-at-home dates because we would be on vacation for a whole week.

Back in August Jadae took me to Cleveland for a long weekend to celebrate our 10th anniversary Jadae told me sister that he would be taking me on a lunch cruise over Lake Erie.  He remembered that on our 1st anniversary I had expressed a desire to go on a cruise for our 10th., so this was as close as he could get. While we were in Cleveland he had my sister plan a surprise anniversary party and indicated that people were not to bring any gifts.

Well, she listened somewhat. Instead she told people about my dream and if they wanted to they could contribute money to make it a reality. So when we got to the party we both were surprised with the cruise!

Jadae and I went on the Independence of the Seas through Royal Caribbean last week for a 5 night cruise to the East Caribbean. We had ports at  Falmouth, Jamaica and Labadee, Haiti (which is a pennuisula that Royal Caribbean has a lease for 99 years). The weather was wonderful!

We experienced some hiccups on the way there. First I misplaced my license and credit cards after we checked our bags but before we went through security. Talk about your heart sinking! Jadae found them in a side pocket of my personal item. We ended up at the airport several hours early so we went to a pub. I journaled and used my kindle while Jadae enjoyed a cold one. We then went to our gate. They started to board and I realized that I could not find my kindle. So I ran all the way back to the pub to see if I left it there. It was not there! Jadae then called. It was in the same pocket that I had misplaced my cards. I booked it back to board in time!

We went to a show every night and sometimes took in an extra one in the afternoon. There was ice skating shows. A dancing show called, "Invitation to Dance"which was choreographed by... We took a short ballroom dance class and a towel animal folding class. Played putt-putt on the ship. Attempted to boogie board on the wave surfer. Rocked climbed on the upper deck. Enjoyed the hot tub. Ate a lot of food! We really enjoyed ourselves!

 In Jamaica we decided to just go the the Red Strip Beach and enjoy the ocean. We thought about doing another excursion but we wanted to have plenty of time to shop in the souvenir shops. We got Jadae some authentic Jamaican coffee. We also brought some Sangster's Jamaica Rum Cream Liqueur (both original and coconut) which was very yummy.

In Haiti we took a coastal tour of the island in a little boat. So much of Haiti is dependent on tourism. We saw men out fishing in their boats. After they caught their fish they take them home where their their wife cleans it then sales it to provide income for their family.

52 Date Nights in 52 Weeks
Getting out of a rut- The post that explains why I started this journey

1. Week One- (movie) The Bucket List

2. Week Two- (game) Post Cards from North America
3. Week Three- Art Night!
4. Week four- Deal or No Deal

5. Week 5- Game Night (Chrononauts)
6.  Week 6- Wii Night (Super Mario Maker)
7.

Battling the Unseen- taking back your prayer life

I had recently watched War Room with my husband. It is a fantastic movie! It really encouraged me that I need to be fighting more. More in my prayer life against things that are trying to come in between my husband and I, our marriage, our children. Our Joy. But how? I know praying is the obvious answer. I use to have a better prayer life and really fought the unseen battles. But I had lost that and the fire and passion. How do I get back on track? I recently ordered a new journaling Bible which does not get released until the beginning of Feb. I have hopes that it will help my attention span while praying and meditating on God's Word.

A friend had recently shared that she started reading a book called, "Fervent" by Priscilla Shirer. It is a book about prayer and battling the evil one in prayer. (this post does contain an aff. link)

I am very excited to dig into this book. I am missing out on so much because I know my walk is not where it should be. This book is specifically geared towards prayer and battling the unseen in many aspects. It focuses on things such your passions, life, family, past, fears, etc.

I had gotten in another rut. Many of my prayers were about healing and other practical things (keep us safe while we drive, bless our food, we could use a new van, etc.). And prayers of thanksgiving. But I need to be praying more against the devil's evil schemes. I need my prayers to go deeper. I need to start praying about my feelings and emotions. For my husband and the attacks of the enemy against him. For my children!

I have lots of fears that I need to be taking to God instead of distracting myself. I did take a step of faith today and started to schedule appts. for Smile's neurofibromatosis. That one scares me. But I need to remember that I can battle that fear and whatever the walk is with his disease by turning to God.

There is also a lot that the devil is trying to steal from me. One of them is my joy. Especially my joy of being a mother. I get tired, I get selfish. I lose my patience and the devil is using all of that to make me frustrated and unhappy. Not seeing the happy moments or cherishing them. The devil would love for me to just constantly be unhappy wishing that my kids behaved better and listen better. He wants me focused on how things need to change (how the house should be cleaned and organized, that my husband's health is not the greatest, etc.). The devil also wants me to focus on all the sacrifices that I make being a stay-at-home mom, and how ungrateful the job is, rather than on the joy of being home with my children. Sharing with them (my children) the joys of overcoming obstacles, learning a new skill, their childhood.

Another is peace. I allow what's going on in the world to make me a nervous wreck. When I should be remembering that there is nothing that can keep me away from God's love. 

I am taking back my prayer life! I am waging war!